Saturday, August 22, 2009

I'll have a french fries with a side of syrup



Late night nibble with Mel at Fran's after being inspired by the movie Julie & Julia (a serious foodie flick...Mel was in HEAVEN!). First course - Tea! Second Course - French Toast! Third course - French Fries! A little bit of a French theme going on here....

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Night to Remember

It's been a long time since I had a night to remember. An evening where every moment was wonderful, pure, exciting and insightful. An evening that was changing. Tonight was that night. It wasn't anything dramatic, wild or crazy, but really positive and special.

It began when I finished painting the wall beside my bed chocolate brown. It's a beautiful warm brown that makes me feel cozy and quiet when it's time to go to sleep. I admired my work, my hands covered in tiny dots of brown paint and quickly washed my hands of it as I headed off to Kensington Market to meet my favorite girl, Miss Yu, to arm ourselves with veggies & wine for dinner.

We wandered the market gathering everything we would need to complete our evening: a carrot, zucchini, white button mushrooms, spinach, green & yellow beans, white potatoes, garlic, thyme, a bottle of pinot grigio, a package of chocolate mokas and vanilla soy ice cream.

When we get back to my apartment, Miss Yu opened an object covered in newspaper to reveal a pot of basil. It smelled delicious and with a little bit of TLC and some good luck I hope to keep it that way! I let Miss Yu work her magic in the kitchen, her playground - chopping vegetables, flavoring with spices, making a vinigrette, essentially creating perfection. Her hands are like magical wands that transform any food that she touches into a perfect 10. She brilliantly suggested a late night picnic in the park which immediately boosted our wonderful dinner to an 11.5 out of 10.

After 2 mugs of wine, several mosquito bites and a delicious soy-moka ice cream sandwich later it was time to head home, fix up our make-up, indulge in some well-warranted girl talk and head to the point of the entire evening - checking out Dr. Payne & the Disease at Clinton's Tavern.

Initially we found ourselves fighting the urge to conform, and casually bobbed our heads to the music of the opening act in accordance with the rest of the room. After much urging from the rather humorous MC we finally worked up the courage to hit the dancefloor. Finally, dancing - how I missed you, dancing. But it didn't stop there.

The moment The Disease starting playing, my body was wired. Hot-wired to dance for the next hour and a half straight. We were bobbing, and busting out moves left, right and centre. It was as though the only way that I could actually hear the music was if my body was moving and I could feel it in my bones. It was electric and the crowd loved it. I loved it, it was the best.

When it was over, we met new people and then continued our evening elsewhere after deciding that sleep was most certainly not going to happen anytime soon and that some decompressing was needed. We rode our bikes (on the way being verbally accosted by both a drunken man cycling and a belligerent Brunny patron) to Philosopher's walk, where we sat and discussed the merits of technology and value of positive thinking over a bottle of water. It was absolutely perfect. The stars were out, the air was cool, the wind had settled and most of all it was calm.

Finally a moment of calm where it was ok to just sit and think. What a novel idea.

We enjoyed our peace for a good half hour and then went our separate ways, myself coming home to reminisce about what a lovely evening - potentially the best evening I've had in a long time. It's amazing how when you get accustomed to doing things a certain way, you forget how good the other ways are too. I did things I haven't done in ages: drank half a bottle of wine, danced all night long, sat up on the ledge at the faculty of music and stayed up even later here writing about it.

So what have I learned? Change is never bad, it's just different. And if I want to get really postive, change isn't different, it's good. This feels good.

I think I'll leave it at that.

Remembering to Forget

When someone you love leaves you, it leaves an emptiness inside of you that you can't escape. You go for coffee with friends, watch movie after movie, go for walk after walk, and talk for hours on the phone with any friend that you can if it means that for all of those moments you don't have to think about the fact that they actually left you. Every one of those moments is designed to be filled so that you aren't left with the one very real fact that they just don't love you anymore. But once those moments alone begin to grow again, the realness sets in and you have to think about it. Accept it. Remember it or in my case try to forget it. The hardest part is knowing what ratio of forgetting and remembering you choose.

It is a very delicate balance. If you try too hard to forget than you risk not remembering all of the really special moments you shared with that person. You block out all of the memories so you just don't have to think about it and a year later, you can't remember the time he picked you a single yellow marigold at 1 o'clock in the morning for your 6 month anniversary which seems like a very small gesture, but in that moment it meant the world to you. You forget the feeling of holding him close in a foreign city park while he lamented the loss of a loved one. You forget the notes he left you in the sandwiches he made you and how good it felt to rip a hardball across the park to him. You forget watching movies in bed, or how he liked his coffee, or how mad he'd get when you forgot to wait for him to open the car door for you. You'd forget Fenway Park, and playing cards while talking sports, and the roadtrips, the baseball games, the free $38 martini you got because the restaurant forgot to seat you. All these things could just disappear. They could be gone without you realizing. And that almost makes me more sad than the fact that he's gone.

I don't want to forget, but I want to move on and instead of forcing the memories away I will embrace them bit by bit. I won't do what I always do and find some way to push everything about that person away, and try my hardest to forget them only to find that I still miss them but I have nothing to miss them with. I really want to hold him in my heart, so that hole isn't so empty and I'm not denying what was such a wonderful and special part of my life. So that is that, I will remember in hopes that someday I will not miss you in the way I do now. In hopes that sometime soon that hole will be full of a new love and a few fond memories of you.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Harvest Moon

This pretty much sums up my day-


Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin
We could dream this night away.

But theres a full moon risin
Lets go dancin in the light
We know where the musics playin
Lets go out and feel the night.

Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now its gettin late
And the moon is climbin high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin in your eye.

Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

Bible Pictionary

Who would've known that the best way to rid yourself of the blues could be a rousing game of Bible Pictionary and a large poutine? Truly I tell you, it is. Tonight I found myself meandering the sidewalks of Bloor St after a quick dip at the Concord Cafe. After that myself and my two trusty companions found ourselves out for a pitcher of beer (and in my case my own lovely pitcher of water....holy water that is) and observing the great selection of board games on a shelf by the bar (the name of the bar I can't remember). After debating between Yum and Biblical Pictionary, pictionary won. There were sexual references left right and centre and a wonderful depiction of a soothsayer that looked more like two stick people having sex.

My poutine was absolutely not what I should've ate but was exactly what I needed. French fries drenched in gravy, and smothered in cheese. Not quite the ideal meal for a newly converted veg and lactose intolerant health-wise person.

Between the poutine, the pictionary and the people it was absolutely the greatest distraction and the temporary cure for my blues.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

silver & gold

There is always a silver lining. Sometimes it can be hard to find, or hard to accept but I've found it. It is wonderful. Mostly because I absolutely do not want to waste the only great summer weather that Toronto has provided us with, sad. I absolutely refuse. So this is me, accepting the silver lining - the new beginning. There is always a chance for a new beginning when something back happens. truly believe that. So now I am going to go fall asleep on my sister's couch knowing that tomorrow is going to be 100% better than today in a new and different way.

By the way, you can follow me on Twitter!! http://twitter.com/sande_wich

late late late

I'm still clearly not catching onto this whole writing consistently thing. Ah well.

Today was an interesting day, starting off bright and early at 6:15. It was one of those days when I woke up and found myself almost instantly wide awake. Of course, having a lot on my mind the last two days my head was instantly spinning with thoughts, ideas, reality. Ugh reality.

All I wanted was to curl into a ball beneath my dear friend Miss Yu's handmade quilt and disappear into the comfort of my sleepy dreams. Unfortunately that was not the case and I was up and out to enjoy the cool stillness of morning before Bloor St. began to bustle and the humidity kicked in. I contemplated walking home but soon decided that the subway would be faster. Wrong choice, faster maybe, but also an enclosed place to trap your thoughts. What a great feeling.

I arrived home only to feel a pang of lonliness in my new poorly furnished apartment. I'm missing appliances, my floor is still littered with boxes of things, and worst of all the ceiling and walls in the hallway are yellow. No lie, the ceiling is actually yellow. WHO in their right mind would do that? Honestly?! And to top it off the trim is purple!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Anyways, there was no solace to be found in my dark and cluttered room so I hurried myself downstairs, snagged my dear friend next door and grabbed a quick breakfast at one of my favourite restaurants in the area - Saving Grace. It is the greatest, I highly recommend it. After that we meandered through Trinity Bellwoods park and East on Queen Street for some retail therapy. Item of the day: high heels. I bought a beautiful pair of Miss Sixty heels at half price!!! They make me feel like a buh-gillion bucks!