I'll have a french fries with a side of syrup

Late night nibble with Mel at Fran's after being inspired by the movie Julie & Julia (a serious foodie flick...Mel was in HEAVEN!). First course - Tea! Second Course - French Toast! Third course - French Fries! A little bit of a French theme going on here....

Remembering to Forget

When someone you love leaves you, it leaves an emptiness inside of you that you can't escape. You go for coffee with friends, watch movie after movie, go for walk after walk, and talk for hours on the phone with any friend that you can if it means that for all of those moments you don't have to think about the fact that they actually left you. Every one of those moments is designed to be filled so that you aren't left with the one very real fact that they just don't love you anymore. But once those moments alone begin to grow again, the realness sets in and you have to think about it. Accept it. Remember it or in my case try to forget it. The hardest part is knowing what ratio of forgetting and remembering you choose.

It is a very delicate balance. If you try too hard to forget than you risk not remembering all of the really special moments you shared with that person. You block out all of the memories so you just don't have to think about it and a year later, you can't remember the time he picked you a single yellow marigold at 1 o'clock in the morning for your 6 month anniversary which seems like a very small gesture, but in that moment it meant the world to you. You forget the feeling of holding him close in a foreign city park while he lamented the loss of a loved one. You forget the notes he left you in the sandwiches he made you and how good it felt to rip a hardball across the park to him. You forget watching movies in bed, or how he liked his coffee, or how mad he'd get when you forgot to wait for him to open the car door for you. You'd forget Fenway Park, and playing cards while talking sports, and the roadtrips, the baseball games, the free $38 martini you got because the restaurant forgot to seat you. All these things could just disappear. They could be gone without you realizing. And that almost makes me more sad than the fact that he's gone.

I don't want to forget, but I want to move on and instead of forcing the memories away I will embrace them bit by bit. I won't do what I always do and find some way to push everything about that person away, and try my hardest to forget them only to find that I still miss them but I have nothing to miss them with. I really want to hold him in my heart, so that hole isn't so empty and I'm not denying what was such a wonderful and special part of my life. So that is that, I will remember in hopes that someday I will not miss you in the way I do now. In hopes that sometime soon that hole will be full of a new love and a few fond memories of you.

Harvest Moon

This pretty much sums up my day-


Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin
We could dream this night away.

But theres a full moon risin
Lets go dancin in the light
We know where the musics playin
Lets go out and feel the night.

Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now its gettin late
And the moon is climbin high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin in your eye.

Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

silver & gold

There is always a silver lining. Sometimes it can be hard to find, or hard to accept but I've found it. It is wonderful. Mostly because I absolutely do not want to waste the only great summer weather that Toronto has provided us with, sad. I absolutely refuse. So this is me, accepting the silver lining - the new beginning. There is always a chance for a new beginning when something back happens. truly believe that. So now I am going to go fall asleep on my sister's couch knowing that tomorrow is going to be 100% better than today in a new and different way.

By the way, you can follow me on Twitter!! http://twitter.com/sande_wich

late late late

I'm still clearly not catching onto this whole writing consistently thing. Ah well.

Today was an interesting day, starting off bright and early at 6:15. It was one of those days when I woke up and found myself almost instantly wide awake. Of course, having a lot on my mind the last two days my head was instantly spinning with thoughts, ideas, reality. Ugh reality.

All I wanted was to curl into a ball beneath my dear friend Miss Yu's handmade quilt and disappear into the comfort of my sleepy dreams. Unfortunately that was not the case and I was up and out to enjoy the cool stillness of morning before Bloor St. began to bustle and the humidity kicked in. I contemplated walking home but soon decided that the subway would be faster. Wrong choice, faster maybe, but also an enclosed place to trap your thoughts. What a great feeling.

I arrived home only to feel a pang of lonliness in my new poorly furnished apartment. I'm missing appliances, my floor is still littered with boxes of things, and worst of all the ceiling and walls in the hallway are yellow. No lie, the ceiling is actually yellow. WHO in their right mind would do that? Honestly?! And to top it off the trim is purple!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Anyways, there was no solace to be found in my dark and cluttered room so I hurried myself downstairs, snagged my dear friend next door and grabbed a quick breakfast at one of my favourite restaurants in the area - Saving Grace. It is the greatest, I highly recommend it. After that we meandered through Trinity Bellwoods park and East on Queen Street for some retail therapy. Item of the day: high heels. I bought a beautiful pair of Miss Sixty heels at half price!!! They make me feel like a buh-gillion bucks!