The Day I Found My Glasses

It seems perhaps an odd time to be writing about this but as feelings and emotions go, we generally only have so much control over where our minds wander. It's no surprise, given the sunshine and great weather that my mind has drifted to dogs. They're everywhere. Now that the temperatures have risen and the sun is shining everyone has puppy fever. You know what I'm talking about... those times that you find yourself catching private moments with them when their owners aren't looking - talking in baby talking, ruffling their ears. You secretly wish you had a dog yourself, but you settle for living vicariously through those around you. 


But why wouldn't you want a dog? They are quite possibly the greatest animals, ever. Period. 


I not-so-secretly wish for one. I find myself day-dreaming about having a dog and then suddenly snapping back to the reality that I can't even keep a cactus alive, let alone a living breathing animal. 


I used to get my pet dosage when I went home for vacations and holidays. My family had a dog, Noel, for 16 years. He was remarkable. Everything I could ask for in a dog. He was a great listener, and he was a wonderful pillow to rest my head when the tears came as a result of the latest boy who crushed my heart. He was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Every time I see a border collie I think of him. I long for him. In my 13 years of school at home, Noel walked faithfully down the lane with me nearly every one of those days. He'd wait patiently until we boarded the school bus, watch it pull away, then saunter back down the lane to hang out with Mom for the day. He wrestled snakes, perused the bush at the back of the field, basked in sunshine. He loved the country - he was made for it. In the winter he'd make himself a little nook in the snowbank by the front door and curl up into the tiniest ball. 


He was beautiful. And now he's gone. 


He's been gone since the fall and every now and again I think of that day and I feel a little tug at my heart and a pit in my stomach. It feels a little hard to breath but then I remember the love and how love is hard, and love is painful but in the end love carries us all through. 


And I love him very much.