Saturday, December 26, 2009

looking back...and reflecting on today.

The year is coming to an end. 

It feels like just yesterday that it was New Years Eve and we were bringing in 2009. I was embarking on a new relationship, I had just begun singing again after my hiatus in the fall and things were looking up. I was happy, blissful and totally engaged in new romance. It makes me a little sad to look back. My heart aches a bit for what could have been, what alternate state of life I may be living had I of done certain things differently. I look back at everything I did, things that I said, my view myself and wonder if I could've done better. However all actions lead to another reaction and here I am - stronger and wiser. Most all, more whole. 

Christmas this year was a challenge. Our special day was perfect except for one crucial piece was missing - our Noel. It was our first Christmas in 16 years without our dog, Noel who passed away on November 13th. It something not one of us mentioned on Christmas day, but I'm certain we all noticed. As we sat around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning all I could think about was how we were all warm inside and Noel was alone outside, buried beneath the maple tree. So my brother Steve and I went outside after everyone had gone their separate ways and took a moment to wish our beloved Noel a Merry Christmas, seeing as Christmas was always his special day. It was at Christmas 16 years ago that Noel, a stray in our neighborhood, decided to make our home, his home. He chose us to be his family - and so we were. 


I miss my Christmas Noel.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Home for the Holidays

I'm sitting at home. Not home, as in Toronto in my apartment home, but my family's home in rural southwestern Ontario where we only recently acquired a street number address, and were otherwise identified through Canada Post as "Rural Route 5".

I just finished washing the dishes after a lovely dinner with my parents and little (big) brother Steve (he towers over me at 6'4" I believe, and I swear it happened overnight). It's been a wonderful break so far - lots of sleep, eating well and exercise (I got a month pass to the gym which is only TWENTY DOLLARS for students!!!). Most of all, I've had a chance to relax and enjoy some time off. Breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the countryside.

Coming home brings me back to my roots and pulls me back down to Earth. It's feel wonderful.

Thus begins my holiday....yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

1+1+1=3


you plus you plus yu = me.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


"...everything is in a constant state of flux. Thus the question is whether we accept change passively and are swept away by it or whether we take the lead and create positive changes on our own initiative."

-Daisaku Ikeda

a wee little quickie

I've got five minutes here before I have to run to school and I'm going to spend them as productively as possible! So I'm spending them here.

Today was a toughie getting out of bed. My bed was warm, inviting, lovely, and wonderful this morning. If it weren't for my 9am physio appointment I would still be fast asleep in bed on my day off! I'm torn between being grateful for the incentive to drag my butt out of bed and sad that my brain is still tired from the early morning. But alas, life goes on.

Today's topic: mix tapes and tangled hearts.

On mix tapes: they are the BEST. Music is near and dear to my heart as all of you who choose to read this know and I really believe that it's a very intimate way to connect with the people you care about because our musical tastes are deeply personal. So, sharing your music (whether you are a musician or not) with the people you care about is a wonderful thing. Right now, at this precise moment I'm listening to a mix cd I received from a dear and wonderful girl and it is beautiful, and sentimental and fun and every song on it is perfect! SO moral of the story: Mix tapes did NOT die when cassette tapes die. LIVE ON, mix tapes, LIVE ON!

On tangled hearts: Sometimes there are no definite answers, and sometimes you can't find all the answers in a single moment, or an hour, or a day, a week, a month or even a year. You just have to take it day by day sometimes, as hard as it is for an impatient person who needs answers, like me!!

Now, I'm going to in fact be late, so that is all!
cheers
A

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Gypsies

Here's a poem from a book of poetry I'm reading right now by Charles Simic called The World Doesn't End.

"I was stolen by gypsies. My parents stole me right back. Then the gypsies stole me again. This went on for some time. One minute I was in the caravan suckling the dark teat of my new mother, the next I sat at a long dining room table eating my breakfast with a silver spoon.

It was the first day of spring. One of my fathers was singing in the bathtub; the other one was painting a live sparrow the colors of a tropical bird."

Thoughts?

-A

Sea Lion Woman


It's late. I should really be in bed - but for some reason I'm fighting the urge to sleep. Waiting for something to happen? I'm not sure what really.

And so on goes the music...and it's back to my roots. A little bit of Feist. I'm thinking maybe Leslie Feist can help calm down the thoughts bouncing around my head. I'm starting off with an old fav - Sea Lion Woman.

So let's take a minute and get an image going. So, you have this watch. You've had it for a while. It was a gift, you wear it all the time and though you really appreciate it for how dependable it is and how well it keeps time, it's always been practical for you. You haven't thought much of it. Then, it stops working - you need to get a new battery put in and the jeweller cleans it up for you while he's fixing it. So you get it back, shiny, new and in perfect working order. Suddenly, you see the sparkle in the shine of the watch. You see just how fine the craftsmanship is, and how unique this watch is. Your appreciation of it changes.

You see, sometimes you need a little push in the right direction and an open mind to figure things out. And most of all, sometimes, you just need to breathe and take it day by day. Sometimes, you just need a day to step back, clear your mind and then re-enter reality to be able to see it for what it is. Like my watch - didn't do it for me at first, but then I took a step back....

And suddenly, it was new and shiny.

I like it (my watch). It fits me just right.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

i like my love supreme...


There is nothing I dislike more during the last few weeks of school than the erratic sleeping patterns I acquire. On nights that I'm swamped with work - it's bed after midnight, 1, 2 sometimes even 3am before I crawl into bed. To add to that, the days that I actually can go to bed in good time I find myself wide awake and filled with the need to waste time.

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhh, ALL i want is SLEEP! It seems so simple, but oh so complicated.

So here I am, wide awake and listening to Trane. Yes, it's back on the Jazz train for me. I've re-opened the large bag of CD's that I vowed to listen to in September but so predictably failed to do. So this it, the next one - John Coltrane's album: A Love Supreme.

[Side note, I just got the part on the first track (around about 6 mintutes) where he just starts saying "A Love Supreme" over and over again. Yes, he spoke it. So weird, but cool if you forgot the name of the album over the course of the first 5 minutes.

The vibe of this album is unlike any I've really encountered before. It's not your typical straight-ahead jazz album. Reading the liner notes, there's a poem called A Love Supreme (which clearly the album was based on) and in capital letters it reads ELATION-ELEGANCE-EXALTATION, which I'm starting to see this album embodying. It's a real emotional journey.

Speaking of journeys....it's time for me to journey to sleep. I'm fading fast.

More on this later.
peace, love and muchos happiness.

A.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

the day I realized i lost my glasses....


This is the time of year I dread the most....the last few weeks of class when your life becomes a crazy whirl wind mess of assignments, tests, fast food, coffee, and comfort food (in my case, cookies). This time time of year makes me afraid of what's to come. I fear each moment, until each moment passes me and I can relax a little bit.

Slowly but surely....the end will come and there will be a place to catch my breath.

So, it's in times like this that my life gets crazy. I stay up late working on projects I've been putting off, my room becomes a hopeless disaster, the dishes pile up, I watch too much tv, don't do enough work, and lastly - I lose things. This time, I realize, it's my glasses - oddly enough. My glasses, with which I view the world (or the computer screen at least) have fallen off my radar.

I've become an absent-minded nutcase.

So here I am - at 2:42 in the morning, sipping white chardonnay from my neighbour and writing on my blog when I should be finishing my assignment. That's right....I'm a nutcase....agh.

It'll all be over soon!

xo A

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

in the wee small hours...


It's a time of day that I cherish - the hours before the city wakes up to greet the day with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It's the quiet and the feeling tranquility that only exist before 8am. It's the only time when I can cross Dundas without thinking and walk down Bathurst without my thoughts being drown out by traffic. The air is cool and the atmosphere is peaceful.

And every Wednesday....I'm walking to meet my girl Mel for coffee. It's an early morning ritual that keeps me on track. I look forward to it - each week a new coffee shop, as well as new stories to dish about life, love and lovers. And did I mention food? There's always talk of food.

And on that note my stomach is rumbling and it's time to go and meet my Mel. Oooooooooo look at that alliteration! In the midst of this crazy week of performances, tests and assignments this morning's coffee date is a beautiful abyss (as difficult as it was to escape the warmth of my bed).

And did I mention I finally got my bike fixed? That means cool morning air against my cheeks - and beautiful rosy glow. Gotta love that.

-A xo

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

making change


The last few weeks have been a challenge at best, but I can see a hint of light off in the distance. Change is coming - but lord does it ever take it's time coming. It's funny how quickly you can find yourself buried without even really realizing it. I've managed to bury myself in my emotions these last few weeks. I allowed myself to let go. My room is messy, my dishes dirty, my body angry with me for over-indulging and crying for exercise, and most of all my mind is swimming in the aftermath of the storm that I found myself in.

My change will come in baby steps, but with the help of good friends and a positive frame of mind I think I can do it. I think I can, I think I can.

Here's to a new day.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Stuck


I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't wish to speak - a time where there was no feeling I wish to express using words spoken with tongue, projected with my breath. My emotional response to feelings such as happiness, joy, excitment, sadness, anxiety, anger, confusion (anything really) has also come tumbling out of my mouth in a cascade of words and strung together to articulate my feelings. I'm told that it's one of my greatest gifts, my ability to express myself. Sometimes it is of great use, and other times it gets me into trouble but at the end of the day what it always does is get me through.

Strangely enough though, right now I have no words. Me. The person with all the words. The person who always has something to say and no censor for what comes out.

It's the first time that I can remember where I really just don't want to talk about it. I can't be bothered to open my mouth and spew out this emotional garbage and move on. I feel trapped inside my body with a feeling that I've never really known before - grief. There's nothing I can do about it, it's as if it's infected every cell in my body and I don't even want to move. It's disabled me, and my coping mechanisms. It's rendered me completely and utterly useless.

Useless. As in watch bad TV online useless. As in, can't bring myself to finish my arranging assignment or clean my disgusting room useless. I can't stand it but I can't shake it either. I'm stuck in the middle and I can't commit to one side or the other.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Falling Behind


It's funny I titled this "Falling Behind" because I feel like I'm falling behind in a basic material way - leaving my homework to the last minute, failing to blog for AAAAAAAAAAAGES and forgetting things, but in a completely separate way I feel like I'm getting ahead.....

Let me explain. I know all the things that I should have done. I should've finished listening to all those CD's by now, I should've gone over the chord changes to Dearly Beloved more before my gig tonight, I shouldn't have left my arranging assignment till the weekend before but the remarkable thing is that I don't care.

It's not that I actually don't care about those things because in actual fact I do. A lot. The fact is that I'm ahead because I can finally see those mistakes, take them for what they are, learn from them and most importantly not beat myself up for it. Tonight, for example, I played my first gig of the school year with my school ensemble in the concert hall. We played an arrangement I did for the tune Dearly Beloved. I was the first to solo, it was the first tune of the night, I was the first person to solo and the fact is my solo really wasn't happening. The entire time I absolutely knew that it was because I didn't know the changes well enough and it was too fast to be able to earball my way through. And that was it.

Now normally, that one solo would taint the entire performance for me in my mind and diminish all of the wonderful successful parts of the performance as a whole. However, tonight it doesn't bother me. I still feel great about the concert, and even about the tune Dearly Beloved because I know that that solo didn't have to be perfect. It is an idication of what I need to work on - and that is learning the changes to the tunes I'm playing. The fact is, I'm tired of living in denial and making excuses. What's the point in making an excuse for why you failed to do something correctly? That doesn't promote personal growth. It promotes weakness. Why not admit to your weakness, address it and then go home and work at what it was that you screwed up on? It seems ridiculously obvious but to be honest that place of denial is so common. All you have to do to fix it - man up and be aware.

I feel like so many people are completely content to be blissfully unaware of what is happening in their lives and around them and therefore fail to grow. They screw up, blame it on the weather and go home and watch t.v.

So on that note, I will admit that I screw up. And now, I'm going to go work on the changes to Dearly Beloved. Problem solved.

Sweet Dreams,
Ange xo

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Leaves of the fall...


It's 10:08 precisely and I'm sitting in my apartment enjoying a hot mug of Genmaicha tea and the sweet sounds of Miles Davis' record Sketches of Spain. It's a good morning. In the last week Toronto has transformed from a paradise of 20 degree sunny late summer days to a crisp, cool vision of fall. It's fall, officially and my favourite season. Period.

It's the time of year when I wake up in my bed, cozy and warm and with great difficulty tear myself from my safe cocoon. The crisp morning air wakes me up as walk to school and when I finally arrive my cheeks have rosy glow. The leaves change to glorious shades of yellow, red and orange and dance around my feet on the ground as I walk through the beautiful u of t campus that I call home.

Fall to me signifies new beginnings. Fresh starts. The leaves turn colour and fall to the ground making way for new life to take its place the following spring. Guys may not get this one, but girls, it's like when you wash your face before you apply a facial mask. Clean away the impurities before you apply the mask, then you leave the mask on for however long is necessary, then wash it off to reveal amazing skin. It's exactly like the seasons! Fall cleans away all the leaves and flowers from the previous year so that the snow can coat the land for next few months, only to reveal Mother Nature in all her glory the following spring.

Glorious! What a glorious season. On the topic of glorious, I feel like Sketches of Spain is a glorious album to be listening to has I think about fall. The album is a big band album put together by Miles Davis and Gil Evans and it is beautiful. Absolutely stunning. If I were to give it a season it would be fall, red, orange, yellow and glorious. It's dark and brooding and haunting but so beautiful and exotic. Favourite track: most clearly Concierto de Aranjuez. Miles is absolutely captivating on this track, and this entire album really.

ahhhh fall. How I love you.

Monday, September 14, 2009

If only I had E.S.P....


Time is going by far too quickly and it's clear that I have some catching up to do on this listening if I want to get it done in time! My friends have been asking where I'm at in the count, and I'm a little bit ashamed to say I'm sitting at a mere 8 discs, with many more to go and not so many days to finish. However, I refuse to give into my usual vices and sit around watching Veronica Mars and snacking on banana loaf and fried apples. I'm going to finish this thing that I've started because in fact, I do enjoy it.

On Friday I listened to the John Coltrane album Blue Train but found myself rather quickly succumbing to the sweet thought of sleep. But alas! I have not forgotten. Blue Train. It's an album filled with standards that I actually know, which was what I found most surprising about the album. It features Lee Morgan on Trumpet, Curtis Fuller on Trombone, Coltrane on Tenor Sax, Kenny Drew on Piano, Paul Chambers on Bass and Philly Joe Jones on Drums. Who stood out to me aside from Coltrane (obviously) was Curtis Fuller. I can count the times on one hand that I've listened to a Trombone player and checked the disc to find out who it was because I liked it so much.

This album featured the title track Blue Train, Locomotion , I'm Old Fashioned, Lazy Bird and one of my personal fav's Moment's Notice. Great album. Thumbs up people.

Onto the next...

E.S.P. by Miles Davis. Featuring:
Miles Davis - Trumpet
Wayne Shorter - Tenor Sax
Herbie Hancock - Piano
Ron Carter - Bass
Tony Williams - Drums

This album is definitely a step in a different direction for Miles when I compare it to 'Round About Midnight which he recorded 9 years earlier. A new group with a very different vibe. Tony Williams adds a totally different feel on the drums. Not to mention the arrangments and compositions are much different too this time around. My favourite track on the album was a composition by Wayne Shorter entitled "Iris". It's beautiful and simple. A beautiful ballad in 3/4.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Blue Train


It's bedtime, but rather than laying snug in my bed I'm sitting at my computer listening to my next disc on my list - Blue Train, a John Coltrane album. While I won't write about it tonight, I will tell you that it is most enjoyable as Trane always is.

I contemplated the title of this post for a moment before I typed it in. It's the title of the album I'm listening to right at this moment, but it is also an accurate description of my afternoon on some level. I felt blue. Not the kind of self-inflicted blue, where one wallow's in self pity and pain but the kind of blue when your heart longs for something that you simply can't have. It all started with one single pang. It hit the pit of my stomach as I opened a door to a familiar face. It startled me to experience this strange sensation when I felt so great only moments before. But it hit me, like a tonne of bricks. A few spoken words and a quick exit later, I took a long, deep breath and reset.

But the pang in my stomach grew. It crawled up into my chest where it made its home. It had been quite a while since I felt this feeling - the feeling of my heart bursting. The hurt. It surprised me a bit considering how far I've come and how great I feel. I found myself daydreaming through class. Remembering moments, touch, warmth, habits, love. As much as I hate to admit it I missed them all and wanted them all back. That's what made the pain worse, knowing that I absolutely could not have what I really long for. Just a fragment of that time back in my hands for me to hold, enjoy and retain knowing that it would be gone. That is a request that will never be granted, nor should it be. What I must indulge, however, is the feelings I feel and thoughts that cross my mind in these moments. The more I push them away, the harder it will be each time I turn a corner only to find his face before me.

Each day it will get easier and I know that. 5 weeks from now, it will still be hard but better, 5 months from now, the feelings will have lessened and 5 years from now it will just be an old photo tucked away in a box, only to be admired and remembered when I choose.

Until then I take it one day at a time. Today I'm a little blue, tomorrow I'll be enjoying the company of wonderful friends, and Sunday who knows. For now, in this moment I'm enjoying the company of Coltrane and right now that's all I need.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

All these Miles gon' make a girl tired........

That was bad, I know. Cheesy - eeek but it just had to be done.

At this particular moment in time I'm finding myself remarkably relaxed, sitting at my computer listening to the Miles album 'Round About Midnight. It's a great album to cap my day of school and classes.

It was beautiful in the city today - the sun was out, the air was the perfect temperature. Perfect for wearing a pair of nice jeans with a cute tank and my comfy sparkling white Keds. A good day. A great day. A day of new beginnings and fresh starts. I think that's why fall has always been my favourite season, and most all September one of my favourite months. It's the time when school starts, which for me means a new year is beginning. A new year with new goals, new teachers, new friends and new experiences. As long as I'm in school, September is a month to reset my priorities and reconnect with what I want and this September I know what I want.

It's funny because this September is in no way what I thought that it would be. Certain rituals I was anticipating from my daily life are now gone. I was anticipating an upswing, "once school comes it'll all work itself out" I thought. I was anticipating a new school year with him, and expecting to grow in a different way. Without him, my growth took on an entirely different shape and form. At first, it left me with an emptiness inside - a pang in the pit of my stomach. That's all gone now that my mind has wrapped itself around the idea of welcoming the school year alone. But that's hardly the case because at this moment right now, I feel less alone than I did last year, or ever really. I feel full - rich with love and positive energy that I get from my wonderful friends and family. I can appreciate so many moments. Like today for instance.

I sat outside after my class, perched on a bench just off the walkway behind my faculty and read a chapter of Anne of Green Gables in the sun. Beautiful.
I bought fruit in the market and vegetables in the Market and cooked them for dinner. Delicious.
I reunited with old friends and played catch-up. Wonderful.
I sit here, writing, listening to Miles Davis. Inspirational.

It's been a great day and it's on days like this I'm reminded that the simple pleasures are really what count. On that note, I'm going to go pick out a tune to sing in ensemble tomorrow, brush my teeth, read the liner notes for this Miles disc and fall asleep to the thunder of the Recycling trucks picking up my recycling that I didn't put out because I don't have any clear bags. Excellent.
That is what my sleep will be - excellent.

I didn't write much about the music, however I did listen to the disc, and I will read the liner notes. So here's the band on Miles Davis' 'Round About Midnight.
Miles Davis - Trumpet
John Coltrane - Tenor Saxophone
Red Garland - Piano
Paul Chambers - Bass
Philly Joe Jones - Drums

Tenor Madness & Milestones


So much music and so little time! I'm losing my precious days as my habits of old begin to kick in. Procrastination - forever the antagonist in the story of my life!

That being said, this morning I woke to the morning light and the sounds of Dundas St. West filtering through my doorway - well before my alarm. So I've enjoyed the morning, and relaxing the sounds of Sonny and Miles with my cup of hot popped rice green tea. Mmmmmm. The simpler things.

So Sonny, is absolutely a completely different deal on this record. It's laid back it's relaxed. The band is John Coltrane - Tenor (on the first tune only), Red Garland - Piano, Paul Chambers - Bass, and Philly Joe Jones on Drums. So this album came before Night at the Village Vanguard and listening back I can really hear the difference. Most obviously the difference in recording - one is live and the other studio, but also in the general vibe of the group. It's entirely different which is mostly attributed to fact that the band is completely different. Anyways, great album. Fav. tune: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World. (I am such a dork...)

Onto Miles...

Miles Davis - Trumpet
Cannonball Adderley - Alto Sax
John Coltrane - Tenor Sax
Red Garland - Piano
Paul Chambers - Bass
Philly Joe Jones - Drums

Mmmmmmm so good. Fav. track - Milestones. The head is just too cool and reall catchy. This group is great. This album is great, and aptly named. Before I listened to this disc, I had already heard Miles and Coltrane so that was a no brainer, I knew that I'd like that. The surprise is Cannonball Adderley. I've never (consciously) heard him play and I love it. His tone is so clear and crisp. Also - all the recordings I've listening have been lacking alto sax so it's refreshing to hear!

All in all great album, definitely one I'd throw if I need a jazz fix, it's got everything a girl could need. :)

Now, it's off to my first singing lesson of the school year. Wish me luck!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Final Stretch

It's a little bit frightening how quickly Fall has come upon us. The temperatures have cooled to a most comfortable medium. The days of sunburns and suntanning are almost behind us. It's the kind of weather where anything goes - shorts if you're brave, pants if not, and capris if you're in between. The nights are cooler, so sleeping is a dream (pardon the pun). No more sticky savannah nights in my second floor downtown Toronto apartment. I can sleep peacefully again with my door closed and the sound of Dundas Street West safely behind it.

The temperature isn't the only change though, the leaves are changing. Already, the green leaves are turning to a warm yellow shade and some already hinting at red. Leaves are beginning to cloak the ground, falling idly off of trees on the final breath of summer. It's becoming clear that her breath won't be warm for long and soon enough there will be a cooler breeze blowing through Toronto and I'll finally get to pull out my favourite cropped jacket from last season to curl up in. Hurray! It's coming - and it's my favourite.

This post is going to be short, since I must pack my bags as Miss Yu will be here in a precious few to pick me up for an evening at her cottage. We'll be accompanyed by our wonderful guitar master Neil, a bottle of wine, good food, great weather and most of all good times! Anywho, here's to relaxing and enjoying the final breath of summer - oh and reading Anne of Green Gables! That's right I'm re-reading the Anne Files.

Next up on the music front - Sonny Rollins, Tenor Madness and Miles Davis, Milestones.
See you soon, xo.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Free For All - Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers


Freddie Hubbard - Trumpet
Curtis Fuller - Trombone
Wayne Shorter - Tenor Saxophone
Cedar Walton - Keys
Reginald Workman - Bass
Art Blakey - Drums

The first word that came to mind when I hit play on this record is fire. Art Blakey is absolutely on fire. I'm sure that I've heard a recording of him at some point but simply didn't realize I was listening to it. That being said, this would be the first time that I've consciously listened to Art Blakey and I think I get it. His playing is busy and loud but clearly contagious listening to way Wayne Shorter (Tenor Saxophone) and Freddie Hubbard (Trumpet) develop their solos to a level of intensity that I certainly didn't expect in the first track, Free For All.

The liner notes mention that a quote from Freddie Hubbard that says, "After you play with him, it feels empty playing with most other drummers. He gives you so much support." It's interesting because listening to the recording after reading that it becomes pretty clear how much of an impact Blakey's energy and style has on the direct and energy of the group.

The second track Hammer Head is a lot more laid back, sitting at a mid-tempo. This came as a relief because track one, Free For All was pretty intense (in the best way possible) but Hammer Head was a nice little rest for my poor (still sick!) brain.

The Core is an interesting track. In the liner notes the title is clarified a bit, having multiple meanings - most explicitly the word CORE is an acronym for the Congress Of Racial Equality and notes about Freddie Hubbard's respect and admiration for the organization. The title also has a musical and emotional meaning as Hubbard comments on it getting at "some of the core of jazz - the basic feelings and rhythms that are at the foundation of the music." I think I'll have to look a little further into that one....There is, however, definitely an element of passion that's really apparent in the tracks. The last track on the album, Pensativa is once again is a smooth contrast to the one before, The Core. The perfect ending for the record.

Nice...........that's all I got for that one. Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers - thumbs up all around.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Sonny Rollins - A Night At The Village Vanguard


I can talk about shoes, clothes, fashion and food all day long. As my family and friends can all attest, I will complain until my turns blue but for some silly reason I have had an awful time finding a way to write about this Cd.

About music. It's really strange how something I care so much about could be so difficult to write about, but it is. The disc is great. I'd always heard my classmates talk about Sonny Rollins and how much they enjoyed his playing (or jazz terms, how heavy he was...and not physically). I never really checked him out and never really engaged in conversation about him. I usually nodded mindlessly and turned into a conversation with another person, or changed the subject. Guilty. I am totally guilty of being a jazz major and not having ever sat down and listened to him. Phew finally, I said it out loud.

That's not to say however that I didn't enjoy it. I loved it. It was simple and to the point. His playing felt clear and honest, which to me IS the point of music. His solos weren't littered with mindless patterns and expansive, superfluous lines, rather they were directed by a clear idea and emotion. All that said, it was enhanced by the bare, but supportive background of Wilbur Ware on bass and Elvin Jones on drums (Donald Bailey and Pete La Roca are heard on A Night in Tunisia). His rendition of Softly As In A Morning Sunrise was definitely my favourite part of the 2 disc album.

Anyways, that's about as into it I can get tonight. My head is still throbbing and some foreign body is still waging a war against my immune system in the interior of body. So, on that note it is in fact time for some night time Tylenol cold, some ginger lemon tea and a night filled with sleep (I'm keeping my fingers crossed!). So on that note, sweet dreams and good night.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Challenge


I finally have a consistent internet connection - and it's about time! It such a wonderful relief to be uninhibited by mobile browsers and free to peruse the internet and it's wonders at my own leisure. The tips of my fingers are tingling with excitement and my brain is afire with new thoughts and possibilities with which I can paint in words on this blank, cyberspace canvas. Oh my!

But alas, this literary venture must remain rather short because Mother Nature has unleashed her most feared monster upon me - the common cold. My forehead is heating up and my legs are starting to ache and with each second that passes my bed across the room seems more and more appealing....to bed I must go. BUT, before that I will inform any of you who are reading of the latest challenge I have bestowed upon myself. It all begins with an RW&Co bag....

It has been sitting at the edge of my bed for nearly a month and I've been simply pretending it doesn't exist. I've been afraid. Intrigued? Well it doesn't hold my final theory test from last semester (and believe that is something to be afraid of), nor is it filled with unwashed dishes or moldy sandwich containers (which believe me are no a stranger to my room). It is actually something that in itself is not frightening at all that is because it is not the item I fear but the association I have with them. I fear that acknowledging the bag and its contents will remind me of their owner and thus remind what I no longer have. But it's time. I can't just return the bag, because there is so much I could gain from it.

It is filled with Cd's. Not exactly scary, I know. There are 25 and they are organized in order of importance of listening. They are all related to jazz and its history in some way and are all important for me to listen to - and not JUST listen to. The owner specifically instructed that the liner notes must be read along with listening to the Cd. So that I will do. I am going to listen to all of those 25 Cd's and read all 25 liner notes and write about my my experience listening to all 25 Cd's in the next 30 days - at which point I will return the bag to its owner and be done with it!

So tomorrow I will begin. In fact I've started listening tonight just for fun. Item number one: A Night At The Village Vanguard , Sonny Rollins. So far so good.

And on that note, I'm going to take some Tylenol and hop into bed. See you tomorrow!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I'll have a french fries with a side of syrup



Late night nibble with Mel at Fran's after being inspired by the movie Julie & Julia (a serious foodie flick...Mel was in HEAVEN!). First course - Tea! Second Course - French Toast! Third course - French Fries! A little bit of a French theme going on here....

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Night to Remember

It's been a long time since I had a night to remember. An evening where every moment was wonderful, pure, exciting and insightful. An evening that was changing. Tonight was that night. It wasn't anything dramatic, wild or crazy, but really positive and special.

It began when I finished painting the wall beside my bed chocolate brown. It's a beautiful warm brown that makes me feel cozy and quiet when it's time to go to sleep. I admired my work, my hands covered in tiny dots of brown paint and quickly washed my hands of it as I headed off to Kensington Market to meet my favorite girl, Miss Yu, to arm ourselves with veggies & wine for dinner.

We wandered the market gathering everything we would need to complete our evening: a carrot, zucchini, white button mushrooms, spinach, green & yellow beans, white potatoes, garlic, thyme, a bottle of pinot grigio, a package of chocolate mokas and vanilla soy ice cream.

When we get back to my apartment, Miss Yu opened an object covered in newspaper to reveal a pot of basil. It smelled delicious and with a little bit of TLC and some good luck I hope to keep it that way! I let Miss Yu work her magic in the kitchen, her playground - chopping vegetables, flavoring with spices, making a vinigrette, essentially creating perfection. Her hands are like magical wands that transform any food that she touches into a perfect 10. She brilliantly suggested a late night picnic in the park which immediately boosted our wonderful dinner to an 11.5 out of 10.

After 2 mugs of wine, several mosquito bites and a delicious soy-moka ice cream sandwich later it was time to head home, fix up our make-up, indulge in some well-warranted girl talk and head to the point of the entire evening - checking out Dr. Payne & the Disease at Clinton's Tavern.

Initially we found ourselves fighting the urge to conform, and casually bobbed our heads to the music of the opening act in accordance with the rest of the room. After much urging from the rather humorous MC we finally worked up the courage to hit the dancefloor. Finally, dancing - how I missed you, dancing. But it didn't stop there.

The moment The Disease starting playing, my body was wired. Hot-wired to dance for the next hour and a half straight. We were bobbing, and busting out moves left, right and centre. It was as though the only way that I could actually hear the music was if my body was moving and I could feel it in my bones. It was electric and the crowd loved it. I loved it, it was the best.

When it was over, we met new people and then continued our evening elsewhere after deciding that sleep was most certainly not going to happen anytime soon and that some decompressing was needed. We rode our bikes (on the way being verbally accosted by both a drunken man cycling and a belligerent Brunny patron) to Philosopher's walk, where we sat and discussed the merits of technology and value of positive thinking over a bottle of water. It was absolutely perfect. The stars were out, the air was cool, the wind had settled and most of all it was calm.

Finally a moment of calm where it was ok to just sit and think. What a novel idea.

We enjoyed our peace for a good half hour and then went our separate ways, myself coming home to reminisce about what a lovely evening - potentially the best evening I've had in a long time. It's amazing how when you get accustomed to doing things a certain way, you forget how good the other ways are too. I did things I haven't done in ages: drank half a bottle of wine, danced all night long, sat up on the ledge at the faculty of music and stayed up even later here writing about it.

So what have I learned? Change is never bad, it's just different. And if I want to get really postive, change isn't different, it's good. This feels good.

I think I'll leave it at that.

Remembering to Forget

When someone you love leaves you, it leaves an emptiness inside of you that you can't escape. You go for coffee with friends, watch movie after movie, go for walk after walk, and talk for hours on the phone with any friend that you can if it means that for all of those moments you don't have to think about the fact that they actually left you. Every one of those moments is designed to be filled so that you aren't left with the one very real fact that they just don't love you anymore. But once those moments alone begin to grow again, the realness sets in and you have to think about it. Accept it. Remember it or in my case try to forget it. The hardest part is knowing what ratio of forgetting and remembering you choose.

It is a very delicate balance. If you try too hard to forget than you risk not remembering all of the really special moments you shared with that person. You block out all of the memories so you just don't have to think about it and a year later, you can't remember the time he picked you a single yellow marigold at 1 o'clock in the morning for your 6 month anniversary which seems like a very small gesture, but in that moment it meant the world to you. You forget the feeling of holding him close in a foreign city park while he lamented the loss of a loved one. You forget the notes he left you in the sandwiches he made you and how good it felt to rip a hardball across the park to him. You forget watching movies in bed, or how he liked his coffee, or how mad he'd get when you forgot to wait for him to open the car door for you. You'd forget Fenway Park, and playing cards while talking sports, and the roadtrips, the baseball games, the free $38 martini you got because the restaurant forgot to seat you. All these things could just disappear. They could be gone without you realizing. And that almost makes me more sad than the fact that he's gone.

I don't want to forget, but I want to move on and instead of forcing the memories away I will embrace them bit by bit. I won't do what I always do and find some way to push everything about that person away, and try my hardest to forget them only to find that I still miss them but I have nothing to miss them with. I really want to hold him in my heart, so that hole isn't so empty and I'm not denying what was such a wonderful and special part of my life. So that is that, I will remember in hopes that someday I will not miss you in the way I do now. In hopes that sometime soon that hole will be full of a new love and a few fond memories of you.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Harvest Moon

This pretty much sums up my day-


Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin
We could dream this night away.

But theres a full moon risin
Lets go dancin in the light
We know where the musics playin
Lets go out and feel the night.

Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now its gettin late
And the moon is climbin high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin in your eye.

Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

Bible Pictionary

Who would've known that the best way to rid yourself of the blues could be a rousing game of Bible Pictionary and a large poutine? Truly I tell you, it is. Tonight I found myself meandering the sidewalks of Bloor St after a quick dip at the Concord Cafe. After that myself and my two trusty companions found ourselves out for a pitcher of beer (and in my case my own lovely pitcher of water....holy water that is) and observing the great selection of board games on a shelf by the bar (the name of the bar I can't remember). After debating between Yum and Biblical Pictionary, pictionary won. There were sexual references left right and centre and a wonderful depiction of a soothsayer that looked more like two stick people having sex.

My poutine was absolutely not what I should've ate but was exactly what I needed. French fries drenched in gravy, and smothered in cheese. Not quite the ideal meal for a newly converted veg and lactose intolerant health-wise person.

Between the poutine, the pictionary and the people it was absolutely the greatest distraction and the temporary cure for my blues.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

silver & gold

There is always a silver lining. Sometimes it can be hard to find, or hard to accept but I've found it. It is wonderful. Mostly because I absolutely do not want to waste the only great summer weather that Toronto has provided us with, sad. I absolutely refuse. So this is me, accepting the silver lining - the new beginning. There is always a chance for a new beginning when something back happens. truly believe that. So now I am going to go fall asleep on my sister's couch knowing that tomorrow is going to be 100% better than today in a new and different way.

By the way, you can follow me on Twitter!! http://twitter.com/sande_wich

late late late

I'm still clearly not catching onto this whole writing consistently thing. Ah well.

Today was an interesting day, starting off bright and early at 6:15. It was one of those days when I woke up and found myself almost instantly wide awake. Of course, having a lot on my mind the last two days my head was instantly spinning with thoughts, ideas, reality. Ugh reality.

All I wanted was to curl into a ball beneath my dear friend Miss Yu's handmade quilt and disappear into the comfort of my sleepy dreams. Unfortunately that was not the case and I was up and out to enjoy the cool stillness of morning before Bloor St. began to bustle and the humidity kicked in. I contemplated walking home but soon decided that the subway would be faster. Wrong choice, faster maybe, but also an enclosed place to trap your thoughts. What a great feeling.

I arrived home only to feel a pang of lonliness in my new poorly furnished apartment. I'm missing appliances, my floor is still littered with boxes of things, and worst of all the ceiling and walls in the hallway are yellow. No lie, the ceiling is actually yellow. WHO in their right mind would do that? Honestly?! And to top it off the trim is purple!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Anyways, there was no solace to be found in my dark and cluttered room so I hurried myself downstairs, snagged my dear friend next door and grabbed a quick breakfast at one of my favourite restaurants in the area - Saving Grace. It is the greatest, I highly recommend it. After that we meandered through Trinity Bellwoods park and East on Queen Street for some retail therapy. Item of the day: high heels. I bought a beautiful pair of Miss Sixty heels at half price!!! They make me feel like a buh-gillion bucks!

Monday, July 27, 2009

back to basics

phew. after that little rant, to be honest didn't know what to write here. I've never had a blog so it's a little bit weird! I've never been a journal writing type - I'm more the type that buys pretty journals and will write in them for about a week and lose interest only to let another pretty journal fall victim to the dusty mess of my bedroom floor. That's not to say that expressing thoughts and feelings is a difficulty for me. If you ask any of my friends they will tell you more often then not that I actually need to sensor what comes out of my mouth more and that I am in fact the worst liar of all time. That being said, writing my thoughts out is an entirely new challenge.

So I suppose an introduction is in order. My name is Angela. I looked it up in a baby book when I was little and it means Messenger of God, so in essence, Angel. My middle name is Catherine and that means pure. Clearly my parents had some sort of theme going here.... I grew up in between two small towns in midwestern Ontario - Wingham & Lucknow. And by small, I mean really small. I'm talking 1000 people in Lucknow and 4000 in Wingham, not to mention the closest city is an hour and a half away. I lived on a pig farm (my Dad stopped farming when I was about 7) with my Mom & Dad, brother and two older sisters. For now I'll gloss over those details because now I live on my own far, far away from my small town existence in the city of Toronto and THAT my friends is what this is all about.

That's all for now. More later. ciao

Monday, July 20, 2009

the day i found my glasses

The day I found my glasses I realized that I'd been seeing it all wrong. I'm not a clutz, I always have my keys, I never bite my nails, I don't overplan, I'm laid back and most of all I'm never late. For years I allowed myself to believe in these facts as if they were set in stone. I truly believed that I was destined to lose my cell phone no matter how hard I tried and the Ipod that my roommates bought me for Christmas would most certainly fall victim to my carelessness, left behind on a streetcar, or subway or various form of Toronto transit. The fact is, those facts are absolutely not facts and have nothing to do with who I am.
My name is Angela and I'm 52 days clean. Biting my nails was a tough habit to kick but with the help of my own home remedy (keeping my nails immaculately painted and filed at all times) I've managed to hold back the uncontrollable urge to devour my nails the second the paint chips or I've cracked a nail. The fact is when people mention my nails, or my nail color I never mention biting my nails or having short nails because it is no longer a part of me. I have long nails and it's as simple as that - I don't need to wait around for someone to tell me I've graduated or something.
The point I'm trying to make here is that all of those little things are not me. Every year, every week, every day - every MOMENT I change a little bit and instead of holding onto the way I was before I'm deciding to be who I am now. That's what this is about and that is what this blog is about. Life and whatever is happening as I see it NOW. According to who I am NOW, not yesterday or last summer, or 5 years ago. This is life through my prescription glasses (which I am wearing now.
FIRST OFF.....my friend Miss Yu has been bugging me to discuss the merits of Diana Krall's latest disc. I've actually been sorta dying to write about this for a while because it is sometime I'm mildly passionate about. You see for the longest time I was very loyal to Diana Krall and refused to judge her music because she was a pop/jazz success (this is a point where I should also mention my line of work - I'm a student studying jazz voice at U of T). So I stayed loyal all those years, mostly because she was my first exposure to jazz, I really kept an open mind. Now when I tossed her new CD Quiet Nights on at my parents home in Bruce County (I'll describe that another time) I was absolutely let down. It was bland. Bland, bland, bland. Like that white Wonderbread our mom's all buy because it's cheaper but now it has extra nutrients added so its not so bad. Bland.
When I listened to it I really just wanted her to stop singing and play piano because, to be fair, I really don't mind her piano playing. What bothered me most was how appalling her vocal technique was and above everything how she played into every single generalizing trait that jazz singer's are plagued with - the soft, dark and sultry voice that sounds like you knocked back a few shots of Jack Daniels and smoked a package of cigarettes.
I just couldn't listen to it. Where's the body in her voice, the soul? I mean half the songs just sounded like she didn't care. Now, to be fair when she swings, that girl can swing and it's great. However on this album I just wasn't feeling it. Too bad. I like her otherwise - guess I'll just have to wait and hear the next one.