Falling Behind

It's funny I titled this "Falling Behind" because I feel like I'm falling behind in a basic material way - leaving my homework to the last minute, failing to blog for AAAAAAAAAAAGES and forgetting things, but in a completely separate way I feel like I'm getting ahead.....

Let me explain. I know all the things that I should have done. I should've finished listening to all those CD's by now, I should've gone over the chord changes to Dearly Beloved more before my gig tonight, I shouldn't have left my arranging assignment till the weekend before but the remarkable thing is that I don't care.

It's not that I actually don't care about those things because in actual fact I do. A lot. The fact is that I'm ahead because I can finally see those mistakes, take them for what they are, learn from them and most importantly not beat myself up for it. Tonight, for example, I played my first gig of the school year with my school ensemble in the concert hall. We played an arrangement I did for the tune Dearly Beloved. I was the first to solo, it was the first tune of the night, I was the first person to solo and the fact is my solo really wasn't happening. The entire time I absolutely knew that it was because I didn't know the changes well enough and it was too fast to be able to earball my way through. And that was it.

Now normally, that one solo would taint the entire performance for me in my mind and diminish all of the wonderful successful parts of the performance as a whole. However, tonight it doesn't bother me. I still feel great about the concert, and even about the tune Dearly Beloved because I know that that solo didn't have to be perfect. It is an idication of what I need to work on - and that is learning the changes to the tunes I'm playing. The fact is, I'm tired of living in denial and making excuses. What's the point in making an excuse for why you failed to do something correctly? That doesn't promote personal growth. It promotes weakness. Why not admit to your weakness, address it and then go home and work at what it was that you screwed up on? It seems ridiculously obvious but to be honest that place of denial is so common. All you have to do to fix it - man up and be aware.

I feel like so many people are completely content to be blissfully unaware of what is happening in their lives and around them and therefore fail to grow. They screw up, blame it on the weather and go home and watch t.v.

So on that note, I will admit that I screw up. And now, I'm going to go work on the changes to Dearly Beloved. Problem solved.

Sweet Dreams,
Ange xo

Leaves of the fall...

It's 10:08 precisely and I'm sitting in my apartment enjoying a hot mug of Genmaicha tea and the sweet sounds of Miles Davis' record Sketches of Spain. It's a good morning. In the last week Toronto has transformed from a paradise of 20 degree sunny late summer days to a crisp, cool vision of fall. It's fall, officially and my favourite season. Period.

It's the time of year when I wake up in my bed, cozy and warm and with great difficulty tear myself from my safe cocoon. The crisp morning air wakes me up as walk to school and when I finally arrive my cheeks have rosy glow. The leaves change to glorious shades of yellow, red and orange and dance around my feet on the ground as I walk through the beautiful u of t campus that I call home.

Fall to me signifies new beginnings. Fresh starts. The leaves turn colour and fall to the ground making way for new life to take its place the following spring. Guys may not get this one, but girls, it's like when you wash your face before you apply a facial mask. Clean away the impurities before you apply the mask, then you leave the mask on for however long is necessary, then wash it off to reveal amazing skin. It's exactly like the seasons! Fall cleans away all the leaves and flowers from the previous year so that the snow can coat the land for next few months, only to reveal Mother Nature in all her glory the following spring.

Glorious! What a glorious season. On the topic of glorious, I feel like Sketches of Spain is a glorious album to be listening to has I think about fall. The album is a big band album put together by Miles Davis and Gil Evans and it is beautiful. Absolutely stunning. If I were to give it a season it would be fall, red, orange, yellow and glorious. It's dark and brooding and haunting but so beautiful and exotic. Favourite track: most clearly Concierto de Aranjuez. Miles is absolutely captivating on this track, and this entire album really.

ahhhh fall. How I love you.

If only I had E.S.P....

Time is going by far too quickly and it's clear that I have some catching up to do on this listening if I want to get it done in time! My friends have been asking where I'm at in the count, and I'm a little bit ashamed to say I'm sitting at a mere 8 discs, with many more to go and not so many days to finish. However, I refuse to give into my usual vices and sit around watching Veronica Mars and snacking on banana loaf and fried apples. I'm going to finish this thing that I've started because in fact, I do enjoy it.

On Friday I listened to the John Coltrane album Blue Train but found myself rather quickly succumbing to the sweet thought of sleep. But alas! I have not forgotten. Blue Train. It's an album filled with standards that I actually know, which was what I found most surprising about the album. It features Lee Morgan on Trumpet, Curtis Fuller on Trombone, Coltrane on Tenor Sax, Kenny Drew on Piano, Paul Chambers on Bass and Philly Joe Jones on Drums. Who stood out to me aside from Coltrane (obviously) was Curtis Fuller. I can count the times on one hand that I've listened to a Trombone player and checked the disc to find out who it was because I liked it so much.

This album featured the title track Blue Train, Locomotion , I'm Old Fashioned, Lazy Bird and one of my personal fav's Moment's Notice. Great album. Thumbs up people.

Onto the next...

E.S.P. by Miles Davis. Featuring:
Miles Davis - Trumpet
Wayne Shorter - Tenor Sax
Herbie Hancock - Piano
Ron Carter - Bass
Tony Williams - Drums

This album is definitely a step in a different direction for Miles when I compare it to 'Round About Midnight which he recorded 9 years earlier. A new group with a very different vibe. Tony Williams adds a totally different feel on the drums. Not to mention the arrangments and compositions are much different too this time around. My favourite track on the album was a composition by Wayne Shorter entitled "Iris". It's beautiful and simple. A beautiful ballad in 3/4.

Blue Train

It's bedtime, but rather than laying snug in my bed I'm sitting at my computer listening to my next disc on my list - Blue Train, a John Coltrane album. While I won't write about it tonight, I will tell you that it is most enjoyable as Trane always is.

I contemplated the title of this post for a moment before I typed it in. It's the title of the album I'm listening to right at this moment, but it is also an accurate description of my afternoon on some level. I felt blue. Not the kind of self-inflicted blue, where one wallow's in self pity and pain but the kind of blue when your heart longs for something that you simply can't have. It all started with one single pang. It hit the pit of my stomach as I opened a door to a familiar face. It startled me to experience this strange sensation when I felt so great only moments before. But it hit me, like a tonne of bricks. A few spoken words and a quick exit later, I took a long, deep breath and reset.

But the pang in my stomach grew. It crawled up into my chest where it made its home. It had been quite a while since I felt this feeling - the feeling of my heart bursting. The hurt. It surprised me a bit considering how far I've come and how great I feel. I found myself daydreaming through class. Remembering moments, touch, warmth, habits, love. As much as I hate to admit it I missed them all and wanted them all back. That's what made the pain worse, knowing that I absolutely could not have what I really long for. Just a fragment of that time back in my hands for me to hold, enjoy and retain knowing that it would be gone. That is a request that will never be granted, nor should it be. What I must indulge, however, is the feelings I feel and thoughts that cross my mind in these moments. The more I push them away, the harder it will be each time I turn a corner only to find his face before me.

Each day it will get easier and I know that. 5 weeks from now, it will still be hard but better, 5 months from now, the feelings will have lessened and 5 years from now it will just be an old photo tucked away in a box, only to be admired and remembered when I choose.

Until then I take it one day at a time. Today I'm a little blue, tomorrow I'll be enjoying the company of wonderful friends, and Sunday who knows. For now, in this moment I'm enjoying the company of Coltrane and right now that's all I need.

All these Miles gon' make a girl tired........

That was bad, I know. Cheesy - eeek but it just had to be done.

At this particular moment in time I'm finding myself remarkably relaxed, sitting at my computer listening to the Miles album 'Round About Midnight. It's a great album to cap my day of school and classes.

It was beautiful in the city today - the sun was out, the air was the perfect temperature. Perfect for wearing a pair of nice jeans with a cute tank and my comfy sparkling white Keds. A good day. A great day. A day of new beginnings and fresh starts. I think that's why fall has always been my favourite season, and most all September one of my favourite months. It's the time when school starts, which for me means a new year is beginning. A new year with new goals, new teachers, new friends and new experiences. As long as I'm in school, September is a month to reset my priorities and reconnect with what I want and this September I know what I want.

It's funny because this September is in no way what I thought that it would be. Certain rituals I was anticipating from my daily life are now gone. I was anticipating an upswing, "once school comes it'll all work itself out" I thought. I was anticipating a new school year with him, and expecting to grow in a different way. Without him, my growth took on an entirely different shape and form. At first, it left me with an emptiness inside - a pang in the pit of my stomach. That's all gone now that my mind has wrapped itself around the idea of welcoming the school year alone. But that's hardly the case because at this moment right now, I feel less alone than I did last year, or ever really. I feel full - rich with love and positive energy that I get from my wonderful friends and family. I can appreciate so many moments. Like today for instance.

I sat outside after my class, perched on a bench just off the walkway behind my faculty and read a chapter of Anne of Green Gables in the sun. Beautiful.
I bought fruit in the market and vegetables in the Market and cooked them for dinner. Delicious.
I reunited with old friends and played catch-up. Wonderful.
I sit here, writing, listening to Miles Davis. Inspirational.

It's been a great day and it's on days like this I'm reminded that the simple pleasures are really what count. On that note, I'm going to go pick out a tune to sing in ensemble tomorrow, brush my teeth, read the liner notes for this Miles disc and fall asleep to the thunder of the Recycling trucks picking up my recycling that I didn't put out because I don't have any clear bags. Excellent.
That is what my sleep will be - excellent.

I didn't write much about the music, however I did listen to the disc, and I will read the liner notes. So here's the band on Miles Davis' 'Round About Midnight.
Miles Davis - Trumpet
John Coltrane - Tenor Saxophone
Red Garland - Piano
Paul Chambers - Bass
Philly Joe Jones - Drums

Tenor Madness & Milestones

So much music and so little time! I'm losing my precious days as my habits of old begin to kick in. Procrastination - forever the antagonist in the story of my life!

That being said, this morning I woke to the morning light and the sounds of Dundas St. West filtering through my doorway - well before my alarm. So I've enjoyed the morning, and relaxing the sounds of Sonny and Miles with my cup of hot popped rice green tea. Mmmmmm. The simpler things.

So Sonny, is absolutely a completely different deal on this record. It's laid back it's relaxed. The band is John Coltrane - Tenor (on the first tune only), Red Garland - Piano, Paul Chambers - Bass, and Philly Joe Jones on Drums. So this album came before Night at the Village Vanguard and listening back I can really hear the difference. Most obviously the difference in recording - one is live and the other studio, but also in the general vibe of the group. It's entirely different which is mostly attributed to fact that the band is completely different. Anyways, great album. Fav. tune: The Most Beautiful Girl in the World. (I am such a dork...)

Onto Miles...

Miles Davis - Trumpet
Cannonball Adderley - Alto Sax
John Coltrane - Tenor Sax
Red Garland - Piano
Paul Chambers - Bass
Philly Joe Jones - Drums

Mmmmmmm so good. Fav. track - Milestones. The head is just too cool and reall catchy. This group is great. This album is great, and aptly named. Before I listened to this disc, I had already heard Miles and Coltrane so that was a no brainer, I knew that I'd like that. The surprise is Cannonball Adderley. I've never (consciously) heard him play and I love it. His tone is so clear and crisp. Also - all the recordings I've listening have been lacking alto sax so it's refreshing to hear!

All in all great album, definitely one I'd throw if I need a jazz fix, it's got everything a girl could need. :)

Now, it's off to my first singing lesson of the school year. Wish me luck!

The Final Stretch

It's a little bit frightening how quickly Fall has come upon us. The temperatures have cooled to a most comfortable medium. The days of sunburns and suntanning are almost behind us. It's the kind of weather where anything goes - shorts if you're brave, pants if not, and capris if you're in between. The nights are cooler, so sleeping is a dream (pardon the pun). No more sticky savannah nights in my second floor downtown Toronto apartment. I can sleep peacefully again with my door closed and the sound of Dundas Street West safely behind it.

The temperature isn't the only change though, the leaves are changing. Already, the green leaves are turning to a warm yellow shade and some already hinting at red. Leaves are beginning to cloak the ground, falling idly off of trees on the final breath of summer. It's becoming clear that her breath won't be warm for long and soon enough there will be a cooler breeze blowing through Toronto and I'll finally get to pull out my favourite cropped jacket from last season to curl up in. Hurray! It's coming - and it's my favourite.

This post is going to be short, since I must pack my bags as Miss Yu will be here in a precious few to pick me up for an evening at her cottage. We'll be accompanyed by our wonderful guitar master Neil, a bottle of wine, good food, great weather and most of all good times! Anywho, here's to relaxing and enjoying the final breath of summer - oh and reading Anne of Green Gables! That's right I'm re-reading the Anne Files.

Next up on the music front - Sonny Rollins, Tenor Madness and Miles Davis, Milestones.
See you soon, xo.